Is it wrong to be a 99%-consumer of ponies?  Literal mental imagery aside, shouldn’t I be providing at least as much pony output as pony input?  Am I really writing this so I can type the word “pony” a bunch of times?  Should I just enjoy the ponies and be on my way?

Some back-story, perhaps.  That’s what this post needs.  Of course!  (I’m just getting warmed up here…)

The Backstory

It was a dark, foreboding night.  I sat alone in the sad light, which nearly refused to travel from the battered lamp from which it was emitted.  A pickaxe, gritty bottle of whiskey and three-legged stool were my only companions.

Amid hours of contemplation and inaction, deep within my consciousness loomed a dull yet somehow incensing image of what I knew was about to befall me.  Maybe I had internalized the task at hand more than most would consider healthy.  Maybe I was befalling it.

The floor groaned as I shifted my weight off of the stool and lumbered toward the door, pickaxe firmly gripped beneath battered knuckles.  I paused for a moment, glancing toward the small, flickering flame of my under-powered light source.

To say I grinned would be a lie.  Perhaps I grimaced less as I gently nudged the axe head across the floor toward the lamp.  A small tip, a slosh of oil, and the room was suddenly much warmer.  It was not the type of warmth a man seeks out, but one he finds himself engulfed in.  A warmth that could raze the past, given the opportunity.

I was feeling charitable.

I turned back toward the door, opening and moving through it as flames nipped at my heels.  A few more paces would allow darkness to replace the menacing warmth.  A few beyond that would solidify my determination.  A few more …

… would allow me to watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic on YouTube.

Well, this is awkward.

Okay, so maybe my introduction to My Little Pony was a little bit less dramatic than I have let on thus far.

The Game & The Friend

There is a particularly atrociously wonderfully magical map the game osu! that I sort of fell in love with:

After playing this map (about 9 million times, give or take), I wondered what the heck was up:

• Why is there some wacky-ass remix of the My Little Pony theme song?
• Why is there a rainbow-haired pony saluting?
• Why in the ball-sack is the song titled “Rainbow Dash Likes Girls (Stay Gay Pony Girl)”!?!

It was befuddling yet enjoyable.  The pony spark had planted itself in my brain.

One of my osu! friends, bedabeda, seemed to have a dedicated interest in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.  This guy is around my age, likes ponies.  Got it – I had heard somewhat of the show’s “brony” following — people outside the target demographic; grown-ass dudes (and dudettes … to keep with my ridiculous writing style) instead of little girls in frilly pink dresses.  No offense, little girls.

The thing is, bedabeda’s pony shenanigans continued to draw me in.  I kept seeing images of characters from the show, having no idea in which context they were to be taken.  I appreciate a good internet meme or inside joke as much as anyone, as long as I understand it.  I think maybe I was starting to feel out of the loop.  Everywhere online I saw ponies — bizarre youtube videos, a seemingly endless supply of vectorized artwork, pony-related music.

The Revelation

Eventually I consulted with bedabeda (consulting sounds official, doesn’t it?) and decided to try watching the show.  For the next few days, I watched a couple episodes at night before falling asleep.  I was really enjoying it.  Then, one morning I had some kind of pony-powered revelation.  Perhaps I had reached the state of pony-nirvana.

That day I wrote my friend a message.  Here’s an excerpt:

This morning I felt awesome — not like, “whoa, I just slept 12 hours!” awesome (because I didn’t, arg), but mentally awesome, positive. As I was getting ready for work, I just felt more appreciative, just happy that I have a job, a place to live, friends — appreciative for everything I have.

So, at first I was thinking, “wait a minute — this is like one of those weirdo brony stories that people post on reddit.” Perhaps ponies didn’t “save my life” as some people have stated, but I think they are actively improving it, as silly (to me) as that sounds. There is something about this show, maybe just the simplicity of the lessons and experiences in the episodes. Maybe on a primal level, after a healthy dose of pre-sleep ponies, my brain had something motivational to latch onto and mull over while I slept. Maybe I relate with the characters.. I don’t know.

The true length of this message rivaled this ridiculous blog post.

The Truth & What I Love

I am a brony.

I generally don’t give a lot of credence to labels as such, but I want to stand behind this one.  I have been pleasantly amazed at the kindness and generosity I have seen in the communities that have formed in support of My Little Pony.  That alone would make me stick around, but I also love the fan-generated content, the art, the music.

I also love that Hasbro, who owns the pony franchise, has generally played nicely with regard to copyright versus the brony community.

I love that the show’s creators have included references to The Big Lebowski, and more.

What’s also amazing is that I actually had more I wanted to include in this post.  I’m saving it.  I have excess content.  This site may never be the same.

I hope you all like ponies.  I know I do.

Thanks, “anonymous singer.”

I bought the new Red Hot Chili Peppers CD. I know this is a departure from the usual indie music that gets talked about around here, and I feel like you’ll think less of me after this post, but that’s okay. RHCP is one of my favorite bands for the last five or six years, and I’m not at all ashamed to admit that.

The CD starts out jagged with some random drums and tuning notes on Monarchy of Roses. The song is a good opener that seems like a totally new direction for the band, kind of like Warped did in 1995 on the One Hot Minute record that I don’t think anyone talks about anymore. The chorus is bright and shiny, though, and feels very Chili Peppers-esque. I give this song an 8/10!

Factory of Faith. Kiedis rap/sings through most of this song. It’s got a great groove and reminded me of Hump de Bump from Stadium Arcadium. The instrumental bridge is out of the nowhere and very solid. Also 8/10.

Brendan’s Death Song is fucking brilliant. Excellent poetry, powerful overall. The first time I heard it I wanted the song to end a minute earlier, but the oft repeated chorus along with a chaotic drums/bass for the last part of the song becomes more appropriate the more you listen to it. Another great bridge that really punches you in the chest (not literally, don’t be afraid). 10/10 fo sho.

Etheopia is the next song on the CD. The lyrics start out with ‘E I O I E I A.” and that’s according to the lyric book. WTF? I guess it’s typical peppers. The chorus is okay, I don’t remember much else about it right now. 7/10

Annie Wants a Baby Now – This is an okay song; not worth mentioning on its own but not worth skipping either. 7/10.

Look Around – The chorus on this one is so annoying that it buries the rest of the song. 5/10

The Adventures of Raindance Maggie – If you listen to pop radio, you’ve undoubtedly heard this one. I can sing along with this song, but I’m okay with it being over when it is over. 7/10

Did I Let You Know – One of my favorite songs on the cd; an interesting guitar jingle peppers every line, alternating with the vocals on some parts and overall making things all nice-nice. The chorus is great, and the first time on the cd that new guitarist Josh sings lead. 9/10

Goodbye Hurrah – Can’t be very good since I don’t remember how it goes. I’m pretty sure it’s one of the skip ahead songs that ends up on any RHCP cd. ?/10

Happiness Loves Company – Really good song; the lyrics make no sense, there’s piano, and it’s got a decent foot stompin’ quality to it. The chorus reminds me of a song that I wrote, but I’m not upset about that or anything. 9/10

Police Station – The verses have a nice vocal melody; probably some of the best on the cd, the chorus is pretty snazzy too, Josh’s backing vocals offer some nice counterpoint. He does sound a little weird and breathy in this song though. Since originally writing this review the song has grown on me a bit more, I now give it an additional point. 8/10

Even You Brutus? – All this song has going for it is the back and forth between preach/rapping and singing and not even that is all that good; the chorus is atrocious with the little howl that Kiedis gives at the end of some of the lines; I can’t believe nobody, not a producer or a bandmate or an executive or anybody would tell him how dumb he sounds when he’s doing that. If I could break one part off one part of this CD so I could burn it and never heard it again, it would be this song. -4/10

Meet Me at the Corner – A quiet, somber, beautiful song. It reminds me of “If” from Stadium Arcadium or “I could die for you” from By the Way, except inverted lyrically. It’s a breakup song of some sort, and apparently Keidis sits in a forest through part of it, which is a little weird if you take it literally. (10/10)

Dance, Dance, Dance – Fucking rubbish track; By The Way ended with the epic Venice Queen, Stadium Arcadium ended with the equally epic “Death of a Martian,” I’m With You ends with a fucking dance song; the last line is ‘Let’s play, let’s play.” It’s catchy but it makes you want to gouge your eyeballs/earballs out.

Also as a side note, the inclusion of Josh on some of these songs gives the songs a Ween-esque quality for some reason. I’ve only listened to one Ween album (Chocolate and Cheese), but some of Josh’s backing vocals remind me of that of ‘Roses are Free’, or ‘Joppa Road.’

I give the album overall a 7/10, and that may or may not be the actual average rating of the aforementioned songs. I’m not here to teach math, I’m here to review a CD. But just in case anyone is here thinking I’m going to give a math lesson, here’s how you convert Fahrenheit to Celsius:

C=(5/9)*(F-32)

I hope any confusion has been resolved.

Instead, I shall continue Dave’s mini-Shins-a-thon (I almost typed mini-Shins-a-go-go, but that seemed almost too silly, even for me).

Though I can’t find a live performance video, perhaps my favorite Shins song is New Slang. Most notably, the live version that was recorded with Iron & Wine, and included on the 7″ single release of “Fighting in a Sack.”

While we’re all thinking about Iron & Wine (and beards), I must include Boy With a Coin. This riff is pretty nifty to play on guitar. The song is literally one riff — I love it. Iron & Wine = master of guitar minimalism.

Holy fucking shit. My epicness gauge just exploded, sending shards into what used to be my eye sockets.

French band Magma playing part of “De Futura.”

Edit: Music Monday. Has a nicer ring to it, but it won’t stick.

Edit 2: Interesting. Magma’s songs are in a language called Kobaïan, which was created by Magma’s drummer and founder, Christian Vander. Some fine language examples can be found in “The Last Seven Minutes” (as well as some ridiculously awesome falsetto).

Stornoway, again. Enjoy!

White Sea – “Overdrawn”

Working on typing out the lyrics for this, for some reason…

Dear White Sea,

Please post your lyrics here  so I don’t have to figure them out.

Your pal,

Justin

UPDATE: Oh yeah, this post was “Music Technically-Tuesday.”

If that was your first time hearing it, I’m really jealous.

Stornoway.  This video was very helpful in figuring out the strange guitar tuning!  Such simple, amazing lyrics.

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Thanks to TheSlydell on YouTube for posting the lyrics in a comment!